Anger at loved ones
Q: Please help, my daughter is 17 and angry all the time. She gets good grades and will be going to college and other people tell me she's just fine. But she seems to either be sulky or plain mad most of the time at home. What can I do?
A: The fact that your daughter reserves her anger for home and those she loves indicates that she has control and only lashes out when she feels safe.
Obviously, you have to lovingly show her differently. You don't have to take the emotional abuse, because that's what this is and by tolerating it, you're enabling it.
Try a counselor, youth pastor or someone outside the family who can get her to see that sabotaging her most intimate relationships is a recipe for disaster when she's on her own as an adult.
Let her know how much you love her--too much to let her destroy her life.
Even though she'll be off to college in a few months, counseling of some sort should start immediately. Please send me a personal e-mail to let me know how things turn out.
Corrie Lynne
What do I say?
Q. My daughters almost 12 and giggles a lot with her friends over boys. My mom never talked to me about sex and I'm embarased to know what to say to her. There's too much on TV and movies and I want her to learn from me.
A. Good for you to recognize that kids need parents to talk to them about sex so they get accurate information. There are some good books available to help you start a conversation. And it's OK to tell your daughter that you're embarrassed but love her too much to let embarrassment stop you. I the subject with respect for her feelings.
Timer for tempers
Q: My 8,9 and 12 year olds are constantly fighting and accusing eachother of getting more computer time. I was thinking that a program that just automatically limited each kid to a certain amount of time per day or week would be perfect, but I don't know if such a thing exists. What do you think?
Frazzled Mom
A: First, know that your best monitoring "program" is you. Set a timer or watch alarm or whatever to remind you (I was always distracted so I really used my watch alarm A LOT).
And be sure that you severely limit the amount of time that your kids spend on the computer so that it doesn't replace reading, talking, exercising, and all the brain/character-developing activities kids must experience.
Today, parents must be totally on top of the technology that impacts their kids' lives.
Good luck
Corrie Lynne
Jekyll and Hyde
Q. I have a 14 yr old son who is polite to every body else, but in our home he mean, ignorant and won't listen and argues. I don know what to do!
Please help.
A. Your son seems to be asking you to be the parent. His behavior indicates that he wants you to set some rules and enforce them. When you let kids get away with being "mean and ignorant" and not listening and arguing about everything, you are abdicating your responsibilities as the parent.
Sit down with your son when you're both feeling calm or at least not angry. Point out that you are the parent and you want the respect due a parent. You might ask him why he acts so disrespectful. Agree, together that you will listen to each other without angry words, then state that you have the
responsibility for his well-being and you will act in his interest.
Check into The Point System which is described on other parts of my site.
Finding notes...
Q. I worried about my 15 year old daughter and I went in her room and found notes she wrote hr boyfriend about drugs and stealing they've done. When I showed her the letters, she screamed "that's private" and called me names.But I'd do it again and I told her so. What do you think?
A. I think you're absolutely right. I've been a special needs foster parent for nearly 30 years and I can safely say that the good parents who ended up with out of control, "bad" kids were those who didn't want to believe their gut feelings.
You have to know what your kids are up to and thinking, because your job is to guide their character development while they're minors.
Privacy and Protection
Q. I found my daughter's diary and read that she'd been sleeping with her boyfriend. When I faced her about it, she yelled that I'd hurt her privacy (she's 14 and the boyfriend is 19). What do I do?
A. Oh, my, what in the world is a 14 year old doing with a 19 year old boy friend???? You invaded her privacy because she's a minor and it's your job
to protect her. Privacy isn't the issue here--the big issue is sexual activity. That 19 year old is guilty of statutory rape and you should have him arrested, period.
You also need some serious intervention and therapy for your daughter--my advice is to get her into therapy immediately and go, yourself.
Teacher's word
Q. My son's teacher (in talking about the need for knowing metric and pounds) said that "you should make sure you don't confuse quantities that could "mess up your dope" which I think was really wrong for a group of 7th graders. Am I over-reacting?
A. Well, that doesn't sound like the sort of thing a teacher should be joking about (if he was joking). Personally, I'd ask the teacher if my son had it wrong and try to straighten it out that way.
Rudeness in the family
Q: Help! my 13 year old daughter argues and is rude to my husband, her step dad. But he's been her dad since she was a baby. He picks at her, I guess, but she just gets more and more rude. And yesterday she told him to leave.
Please help.
A: I think you should talk to your daughter when you both are calm and try to find out what might be bothering her. It may have nothing to do with him or she may have serious issues. You need to be loving and persistent, because rude behavior in a family shouldn't be tolerated. If she continues to act out, you may need to seek counseling in order to preserve the peace.
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